Break Up with Social Media, but Make it Sexy

Stop fantasizing about taking your life back and just DO IT—with style.

Jan 29, 2025

Peace out, broligarchs. *Image by author, created with AI.*

Once upon a time, social media stole my life.

We were camping in the California wine country next to a beautiful lake. The sun was melting into the horizon, and my bestie was sitting by the fire swirling a glass of pinot, “the better to release the notes of pomegranate and cracked pepper,” he said.

I was stomping around the campsite in an utter snit because my Instagram post—which had to go live at exactly this time to be best positioned for virality—wouldn’t publish due to, go figure, no signal. 🙄

I climbed onto the car's hood and scrambled up rocks, waving my phone in the air like a madwoman, cursing my misfortune. Did the universe/this campground not care that I had to earn a living?!! And that could ONLY be accomplished by strategically posting this begrudgingly taken selfie and painstakingly crafted copy that few would see and even fewer would read because the half-life of an IG post is approximately 1/60th of the time it takes to make the damn post?!!! GAH!!!!!!!!

My best friend shook his head and stoked the fire.

I can’t tell you what happened next except to say it was like coming to after a blackout. I returned from that camping trip and started quiet-quitting Meta.

This weekend, I put the final nail in that coffin, setting up away notifications and strategically pointing people to my Substack ecosphere instead. This method is immensely satisfying for any brain that likes pretty things and gets agitated by unresolved open tabs. Here’s how to do it for yourself.

Step 1: Get Right in Your Head

By now, we’ve all seen The Social Dilemma. You don’t need me to tell you how alarming it is that the people who created the platforms won’t let their children use the platforms.

For me, it’s about freedom. Nobody controls me, and I refuse to let my attention be commandeered by forces that don’t have my best interests at heart.

For my business owners out there, if a voice in your head is screaming:

It’s irresponsible! Career suicide! It’s a sure-fire way to get bypassed by everyone who IS using it!

Know that I was once in your shoes. And my business hasn’t been affected one iota since leaving. Our businesses are not the same, though, so you must decide for yourself by asking one important question. We’ll get to that.

For personal users, you might be thinking:

This is how I stay connected to people! It’s how I see pics of my cousin’s kids, how I remember friend’s birthdays, it’s where I go to interact with my birdwatching group!

The question applies to you, too.

The question is this: Does using this app cost me more than I get in return?

Business owners, you know in your gut, even if you aren’t carefully tracking ROI, whether the amount of time you put into creating a video or a carousel feels commensurate with the amount of business it brings in.

For personal users, how do you feel after a scroll session? Are you bewildered, like you just woke from a coma, because when you started, it wasn’t dark outside, and now it is? Are you more anxious than before because of the feuds, fake news and public shaming, or can you get in, look at some bird pics, and get out unscathed?

Answer this question honestly, and you’ll have all the info you need to decide whether taking the plunge is for you.

Step 2: Craft Your Farewell Post

I didn’t want questions or fare-thee-wells about it, so on Facebook, I simply wrote this with a link to my Substack pub:

Sure, it might get buried when people who aren’t paying attention send me happy birthday messages or someone posts a memory with me in it, but I figure if anyone is desperate to find me via Facebook, they will eventually happen upon my Sayonara post. I’m honestly not that worried about it because the important people have my phone number. I’m guessing the same is true for you.

On Instagram, I wanted to do something pretty because, once upon a time, Instagram used to be about beautiful images. So, I created a grid like this:

Then I changed my bio to:

Dropping Meta like a bad habit. Come find me on Substack, the water’s fine.

I also updated the website field so that my Substack link appeared first. Note that you can only make this change in the app on your phone.

For the grid, I created a 1080 x 360-pixel image using Canva. I added my publication’s logo and preferred design elements and then exported the image to my desktop (as a PNG or JPG).

Next, I ran my image through this handy tool. It’s free and allows you to split images into a grid. To use it, simply:

Upload the image from your desktop where it says “Upload image here.”
From the drop-down menu, select “Split into pieces.”
Select three rows and one column(s) and click “Split image.” (I know it seems like “rows” and “columns” should be swapped, but trust me).

Now, you need to publish your three grid pieces in reverse order. In other words, the piece on the right gets published first, and the one on the left is last. Should you decide to pin these images (it’s not necessary if you never plan to post again), you must also pin them in reverse order.

I chose to make the accompanying copy for each image the same. Since I’m interested in getting people into my Substack ecosystem, it felt important to tell them what they can expect from doing so. I also included some social proof. Of course, you can modify this to fit your needs. For instance, you could suggest that followers find out more about how you can help them on your website and include a testimonial or two that really makes you shine.

If you need some inspiration, here’s what I wrote:

I’m not disappearing; I’m dropping down the rabbit hole into the wonderland that is Substack 🐰🕳️

If you enjoy:

🎩 𝗛𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 that remind you you’re doing great at adulting by comparison
🎩 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗵 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 to help you redefine success on 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 terms
🎩 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝘆 and slow the fuck down - unapologetically . . .

. . . then come join us.

Here’s what readers are saying:

🩵 “I’m so grateful that the Substack gods put this in my feed today.”
🩵 “This post is truly a wonderful service.”
🩵 “You’ve left me feeling so inspired.”

Join us here 👉 https://d0wntherabbith0le.substack.com.

Pro Tip: If you want that fancy bold and italic text, you can create it here.

Step 3: Create an Autoresponder

I planned to use this for my personal Facebook page so that anyone who sent a note in Messenger would get a “Come find me on Substack” message, but, alas, you can’t do that.

However, you can do this if you have a business page. If that business page is connected to your Instagram, autoresponders will also be sent for your Instagram DMs. So, first, you must connect Instagram to your business page if you haven’t already.

Then, go to Meta Business Suite, the single most poorly designed UX experience I have ever encountered. I no longer have any doubt the broligarchs sit in their ivory towers, steepling their fingers and MWAHAHAHAing about how well their diabolical plan to drive us all insane is working. I hate them. But I digress.

From your business home page, click Professional Dashboard either by selecting the middle icon in the top menu bar or by selecting it from the left-hand menu (good thing it’s in two different places).

You’ll know you’re in the right place when you see a page with a blinding amount of text and meaningless icons. Scroll down the left-hand sidebar and click “Inbox.”

When you arrive at your inbox, the top navigation menu will either say “Automations” or have this symbol.

Again, the options are just to ensure you’re always confused.

Click whichever option they’ve deigned to present to you and go to the “Automations” page. Scroll down to “Your automations.” You might be tempted to select “Away message,” because that sounds like it makes sense, but if you do this you will be led down a rabbit hole designed to incite homicidal rage. To avoid that, choose “Instant reply” and toggle it to “on” (which is blue). Then click “Edit,” which will bring you here:

Once you arrive on this page, you’ll want to ensure both boxes are checked next to “Messenger” and “Instagram.” Then, all you need to do is draft a quick message telling folks where to find you off the platform and hit “Save changes.”

It should be noted that Meta lives in your head and already knows what you intend to do, so don’t be surprised when none of this works. The toggle bar at the top of the page will snap to “Off,” no matter how many hundreds of times you toggle it to “On.” The “Save changes” bar will be greyed out (see image above). Your computer will spontaneously combust.

Do not be deterred, friends; you’re almost free. Do some deep breathing exercises. Go get a snack and try again in 30 minutes. Eventually, Meta will get distracted by trying to erode someone else’s sanity, and you will slip quietly out the back door.

Step 4: What Now?

Expect to feel a little bit weird. After all, you’re detoxing from an addiction. Whenever you feel like something is missing from your life and reach for your phone for a quick dopamine hit, think of this quote from

Ash Ambirge

about who you might’ve become:

Someday you will die super pissed off that you spent your entire life worrying about creating 15-second videos that meant nothing to you, instead of creating a body of work that did.

Celebrate that, instead, you’re spending your time these days doing stuff that’s infinitely more meaningful. The attention economy is designed to prioritize what is most compelling instead of what is most true or useful, so it distorts your picture of the world—your sense of what matters, the kind of threats you face, the egregiousness of your political opponents, everything.

Even at its most innocuous, social media has us living what

Seth Werkheiser

of the Social Media Escape Club calls a post-first existence. When we experience something beautiful or amazing in our lives, our first thought is what we can post about it.

Let’s decide here and now that we’re done seeking external validation, shall we?

As for how to get the word out about your business without this ~~necessary~~ evil? Start by subscribing to publications that talk about this very subject, like Social Media Escape Club. Then, pitch yourself to be a guest on podcasts, offer to do a workshop for someone with a similar audience or in a niche that’s related to your own, and collaborate like crazy. Do the unscalable once in a while. Snail mail makes an impression these days because it’s not so common anymore. Be human in a world that is increasingly less so, and word of you will spread for reasons other than how well you twerked for the algorithm.

Quitting Amazon is next on my list, so if any of you have tips for that, please drop them in the comments.