One Powerful Secret to a Life of Personal Freedom

If only I'd known this at 23.

Image by author, created with AI.

I’m a proponent of the adage, “Ask for forgiveness, not for permission.”

I guess that makes me permission-averse.

That’s why it’s Alanis-style ironic that the best thing I’ve ever done for myself has everything to do with permission. One very specific kind.

The kind of permission I grant to myself.

A great many things would have been different if I had known these things at 23. But if this message can reach the heart of someone else who needs it, who might suffer less for it, it will have been worth the blood, sweat and tears of my adulthood.

You have permission.

You have permission to NOT feel compelled to be nice at your own expense.

The folks who preached this message to us as children live in prisons of their own making. It doesn’t serve you to choose being nice over being respected.

Never say “yes” when you mean “no.”

You have permission to pursue your joy.

And to focus on it day in and day out.

Being a martyr doesn’t make you responsible. Suffering for a paycheck isn’t respectable. And if supporting your family is the excuse, remember that pursuing your own joy grants them permission to chase theirs.

You have permission to do art for the sake of art.

Does it bring you joy? That is enough.

It does not also have to make you money.

You have permission not to forgive.

I know the story goes that forgiving others is a universal sign of healthy emotional development. But when you have done it indiscriminately your entire life, sometimes the most freeing thing you can do is recognize that some people don’t deserve to be forgiven.

Drawing a line where before there was none is an act of self-preservation.

You have permission to let things burn.

What needs your attention now? Do it.

The rest? It’ll have to burn.

Stop putting pressure on yourself to be everywhere at once.

You have permission to tell people why you’re awesome.

Let’s normalize celebrating ourselves. There’s nothing slimy or arrogant about saying:

“Here’s what I kick ass at, would you like my help?”

You have permission to embrace your weirdness.

Owning who you are is sexy. Vulnerability is the only way to make real connections.

And flying your freak flag is one hell of a way to ensure you’ll be unforgettable.

You have permission to say “I love” you without overthinking it.

Putting those three little words out into the world is never a mistake.

If somebody reacts negatively to receiving that love, what a misfortune for them.

You have permission to make money without having to suffer for it.

Who taught you that to have the money you want, you have to struggle or work long hours away from your family?

It gets to be easy. It gets to feel fun.

And you deserve to have all the money you want.

You have permission to want to feel beautiful.

Someone once told me this desire stemmed from my need for outside validation. It took years for me to remember that I want to feel beautiful for my damn self.

Don’t let anyone shame you for that.

(On the flip side, you also have permission to wear pajamas to the grocery store).

You have permission to be the multipassionate, career-switching, shiny-object connoisseur that you are.

Your unique experience makes you interesting and it makes you useful. And following your curiosity makes you happy.

Give yourself permission to redefine success as doing things that make you happy.

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I hope this inspires you to grant yourself any freedoms that bring you the fulfillment you deserve.

What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments.

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This article was originally published on JennieOConnor.com.